I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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