My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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