Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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