Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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