had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
