my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
