So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
