Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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