You're my little dorito
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
