im six kinds of drunk right now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
