I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is Oprah even human
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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