The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
