Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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