Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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