so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
