I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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