That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
