it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
