Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
