there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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