non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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