you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
