I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
