I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
