What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How's work?
Spinning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
