You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
