Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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