Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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