Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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