covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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