She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize