He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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