i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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