Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
