Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
