I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
