Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
