to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
