No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
