Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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