How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
