Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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