oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
