We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
