This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
