As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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