I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
