If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
