I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
