Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
