Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize