so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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