I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
