The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
