Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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