My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
