Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
