halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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