My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize