Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
