Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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