im drinking this country out of the recession.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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