There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
