I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
