Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
