I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
