There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize