just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
