I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
