If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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