Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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