I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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