this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
