I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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