she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
