Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
