Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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