Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I cut my penus on the lid.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
