and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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