Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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