Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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