i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
