Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
