so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
