I looked at my own cervix.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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