friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
