her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
