You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
