Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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