Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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