Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
