i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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