Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
