fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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