They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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