kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
