Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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