Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
