i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
