My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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