if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
