come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
