I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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