Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
