Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
