Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
