bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
