You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
