I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize