never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
