bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
