yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
