Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
