Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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