just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's rum buckets o'clock
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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