how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
